I know this is the cliché time of year to make changes in your life, but honestly, most of the lasting changes I’ve made in my life come out of this time. For example, I had my last cigarette on New Year’s Eve 2 years ago. It wasn’t intentional, but it worked for me. I was able to use the Julian calendar to see exactly how many days it had been since my last cigarette and as the numbers climbed the more satisfaction I got from quitting.
This year is going to be the most important year of my life. My daughter is on her way this spring. All the little changes in my routine I have been putting off for bullshit reasons have become so much more important now. All the changes I’ve been fighting for the last year are suddenly as easy as breathing in comparison. I keep having this reinforcing thought that my daughter will grow up a better and healthier person if I keep doing these things. If I want her to eat all her fruits and vegetables, I had better do it too. If I want exercising to be important to her and part of her daily routine later in life, I had better do it too. It’s like having the fog lifted and being given that final push to just get over yourself and do the things you want to do. No more excuses. No more dicking around. This person is looking to me to figure out how to behave.
My boyfriend and I luckily are on the same page with all of this stuff. Right after I got really pregnant and wasn’t able to really be as active anymore he had to get in the habit of running our pit bull border collie mix every morning to make up for the lack of long afternoon walks she and I would take. Since my feet would swell 3 times their size the moment I walked more than fifteen minutes straight, we needed an alternative for such an active dog. Did I mention he just began this habit at the beginning of fall/winter? That is perseverance if I’ve ever seen it. I have made a commitment to him that once our daughter is born I will begin running with him as a family. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do if I ever had kids. For the time being, swimming is more or less my only major form of exercise since I can’t run or do yoga right now. I am one of the unlucky women who developed pregnancy carpal tunnel. Lucky me right?
The changes I’ve made so far this year include eating a salad before dinner every day regardless of what is for dinner. I decided to make that commitment for multiple reasons starting with the obvious health benefit. Beyond that though, it gives my boyfriend and I a nice moment right before our meal to appreciate each other by shutting down all electronics, turning our attention from cooking or cleaning to each other and to take a breath. In the world today those moments are precious and few. Plus, it adds green to every dinner regardless of the contents which is a goal I have had for two years that is now being fulfilled. I’ve also made the commitment to eat fruit right before every breakfast, whether that be a peach, some canned fruit, a smoothie, or a parfait, to keep some consistency in my diet. This provides the same moment for my boyfriend and me in the morning. It also helps wake me up and get something in my stomach right away in the morning which, when you’re pregnant especially, is crucial to feeling good.
I have also made the commitment to be more calm and kind. It’s not that I’m really irrational or angry or mean now, but I have a serious problem with undo stress about things I can’t change or control. For example, morning traffic. I get really stressed out about the traffic in the morning if I need to go anywhere right away and there is no way for me to control that. I just need to leave earlier and I would be fine. Yet, I continue to leave too late and put myself in a situation that creates stress. I can’t change the fact that there is shitty traffic in the morning. Another example is being mad when the dishes aren’t done. Granted there are two other people in my house capable of doing just as many dishes as I am, it still doesn’t excuse being frustrated by the fact that dirty dishes exist in the first place. In both situations I am allowing myself to create unrealistic expectations that can’t possibly be fulfilled and letting that make me angry or stressed out. Wishing dirty dishes didn’t exist or that I didn’t have to do them doesn’t make them get done faster nor does it make me feel better. I guess at the end of the day that is really my ultimate goal. I want to feel better. I have enough stress in my life as it is with taking care of my little brother, my papa, and my soon-to-be baby to allow myself to continue creating extra stress.
Of course I have the basic smaller goals for myself too like draw every day, paint once a week, learn a new song once a month, etc… These are obviously specific to me, but you still get the idea. The smaller goals allow me the ability to easily achieve something so I can feel good about myself. This is a key part of combating my depression. Having my biological mother in the picture helps provide a constant reminder of exactly what I don’t want to become. I know I could never be her even without all the extra changes, but making the changes to my health, diet, and lifestyle just reinforce that for me. It’s amazing how motivational it is to have the exact thing you are trying to prevent presented to you like that on a regular basis. Every time I feel myself slipping now she pops back up to remind me why I can’t slip up. You mix that with the motivation from my partner fulfilling his goals and the expectations I have for myself as a parent and you have a really good formula for success. At least for now. One thing I have noticed is as my journey goes on I keep finding different ways to motivate myself to keep going.
I hope others have a year full of self-discovery too. These last few years have been the best in my life so far. It’s not because anything really went my way or any big thing happened, but I feel better and different and I have healthy things in my life to keep me grounded. I have love, a healthy body, a growing family, a home to call mine. I wish others these same things because they really are the best thing in the world.
Happy New Year!
Eat, Exercise, and Love 